Kinder Eyes: Where Meditation meets Self-Realization

A number of years ago I discovered Lordo Rinzler’s book, Sit Like A Buddha, and have been working my way through his catalogue of books and taking his online classes ever since. Though I’d been intrigued by the idea of meditation prior, Lodro was my bridge into this world. Sit Like a Buddha made meditation feel accessible, a step towards something that had been calling to me all along.

Some meditation practitioners believe that if you commit to regular practice you will at some point experience an ‘aha!' moment. It may happen while in meditation, or possibly as you make your way through daily life.

For quite some time I was skeptical,

confused,

intrigued as to what that might mean,

and umm would I even recognize it when I saw it?

Would it be subtle or would it be super obvious?

Would I wake up one day and just get it...?

And then one day I got it.

Taking time to quiet the outside noise that is life,

sit with my thoughts,

notice how my chest feels as it expands and contracts,

and hear the breath inside my head on my inhales and exhales,

allows my nervous system to relax.

I can feel a subtle vibration inhabit my body.

My mind may start off racing through thoughts, but eventually it finds equilibrium and lands somewhere near a place of calm.

Often that outside noise has a tendency to inhabit my consciousness in the form of the societal desire to defy aging. The ways in which my youth has slipped away, slowly at first then at a fairly steady clip post age 50, are very obvious to me. Looking in the mirror, sun damage, crows feet around my eyes, parentheses around my mouth, drooping jowls and saggy neck can easily be all that I see.

Being hyper critical as I dissect my face in the mirror is not new for me. I believe the practice began sometime in middle school with my subscription to Seventeen magazine, but now the youthful imperfections I may have obsessed over once upon a time have faded as those visible signs of aging have taken up center stage. There’s no part of me that wants to see that, but I can’t bring myself to look away.

But,

and I attribute this to meditation,

my ‘aha!’ moment,

one that caught me completely off guard the first time,

then reappeared,

and has continued to reappear enough times that I’ve been able to recognize it for the gift that it is,

the beauty of these moments in that they have opened me up to the possibility of acceptance,

and have brought my heart to a place of gentle appreciation.

Meditation has given me the ability to look at myself with kinder eyes.

There are moments when I look at myself in the mirror and my critical tendencies soften. I catch myself noticing the beauty in the brightness of my eyes, the strength of my smile. 55+ years of a life well lived is literally etched into lines on my face. The expressing of emotions encompassing everything from tragic loss to great, and joyous love.

When I sit and breathe

and allow myself to put the noise aside and just be still,

that place of calm becomes internalized.

It roots itself somewhere in my sub conscience,

shushing my inner critic,

creating space for thoughts I’m often not confident enough to believe could possibly apply to me emerge and have their say.

Sometimes my reflex to judge harshly disappears and gives way to tenderness.

Sometimes I don’t see the wrinkles as much as I see sheer the joy in them.